one step at a time

i am struggling.

whew i said it.

a few months ago i was in an awful place. in fact, it was somewhere i never expected to go, somewhere i never anticipated walking through. however, i was stuck and there was no changing it. i’m doing a lot better. mentally and physically i’m more like myself. i am not yet where i want to be though. i keep asking myself, asking God, why? i knew the answer but it’s like i didn’t want to do anything about it.

so here i am. open. available. uncertain. i’m tired of pretending. part of being human is admitting imperfection. i’m stuck. i hate being stuck, but i’m selfish. the very thing i need is to just surrender but i keep finding excuses. i beat myself up for judging others because i’ve realized i’m on the same path as they are. no one is perfect. everyone is trying. and as someone who is coming out of the storm, i know how it feels when you hit rock bottom and don’t want to get up. but you have to.

we all have something we don’t want to “overcome”. a path we keep avoiding because we don’t want to deal with it yet...a memory or death or circumstance we keep pushing aside because we don’t want to let it effect anything at the moment...something we have opened the gate to that we shouldn’t have allowed come in...so many different things that we don’t feel like dealing with. but Jesus did. Jesus, without even having done anything wrong, carried everything we’ve done to the cross so we could overcome it now. we are not bigger by what holds us back, but Jesus is. HE makes us strong.

lately i’ve been telling myself to take things one day a time. i wake up already SO stressed for everything i have to do, stuff that’s due, and things that i just have to get done with time i don’t have. i start by taking a deep breath, praying, and then deciding what needs to happen TODAY. by taking everything one step at a time i feel more accomplished. yes, i look toward the end of my week so i’m not behind in something but as far as i’m concerned, i’m more careful about worrying about today instead of tomorrow. in Matthew there’s a verse that says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” ‭‭that’s the goal. instead of stressing about stuff that hasn’t happened, i make sure i’m prepared in everything for that day first. being ready to take on my day is the first priority. why lie around and pity myself for stuff i need to get done? why not just do it? Matthew 6: 25-28 says this, ““Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?.” ”

a lot of times we work ourselves up with worry. we feel overwhelmed, (which is perfectly normal- we are HUMAN!!!) tired, and done with a lot of things and people. by committing to take one step at a time, we see the world in a new perspective: less worry, more productivity, and a newfound joy for life.

don’t let the big stuff in life take over, it is not worth it. the very things that we view as powerful and overwhelming are so small in God’s eyes. just keep moving forward. one step at a time.